


Loneliness Hurts

by Stella1000



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Bullying, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Loneliness, M/M, Phanfiction, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-05-12 06:39:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 10,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5656285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stella1000/pseuds/Stella1000
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan Howell is a lonely boy who is bullied. Phil Lester is the new boy in school who doesn't fit in anywhere.</p>
<p>Could they find hope in each other?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first multi-chapter fic! Hope you enjoy!

"Loneliness hurts"

Dan Howell reread the line from his diary once again and nodded. Ever since he was a child he'd been alone, with barely any friends. He'd dreamed over and over of having a real friend he could be himself with, that wouldn't judge him for who he was.

Now, at 16, he'd built walls around himself in fear that someone might take advantage of his loneliness and emotional fragility. High school had not been kind to him, Dan having faced his fair share (and more) of bullies. His emo-like hair and tendency to wear dark colors hasn't helped him, painting him as an easy target to be picked on.

Sighing, Dan started gathering the courage to get ready for another day in school. He took a quick shower and put on his favorite black pair of skinny jeans with a dark gray hoodie. He took his time fixing his hair, ensuring it was all straightened and in place.

He picked up his bookbag, put his small diary in one of the inside pockets to stay hidden, grabbed his books and sketchpad and slung the bag over his shoulder.

He went downstairs, waved a quick goodbye to his mother, and headed to school.

It was a cold winter day, though without snow, and Dan wished he had thought ahead when getting dressed, his somewhat thick hoodie not providing enough warmth to his thin body.

He instinctively changed his posture when he entered his school, adopting a more submissive, trying-to-blend-in posture. He was so focused staring at the ground, trying to not accidentally challenge anyone, that he didn't notice when he bumped into a larger boy.

"I-I'm sorry, excuse me.." Dan muttered, already moving to go around the person.

"Ah-ah, Daniel, where do you think you're going?" a voice laughed maliciously.

Dan closed his eyes tightly as he came face to face with his main bully, a large, burly boy who went by the name of Jackson and his group of friends. Jackson grinned when he saw Dan's terrified face.

"Now, Daniel...I think I should teach you how to greet a friend, what do you think?" Jackson said, grin growing wider.

Dan's eyes shot open in pain as Jackson grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back, pinning him against the wall.

"I wonder what Danny has in his bag today?" Jackson ordered one of his friends to grab Dan's bookbag off the floor.

Dan's eyes widened as he remembered his sketch pad, in which he drew candid portraits and somewhat dirty drawings of people he saw around town. He had recently added another racy piece to his collection, and the last thing he wanted was for Jackson to see it.

"No!" Dan shouted, attempting to wriggle free from Jackson's grasp.

"Aww, what's Daniel hiding from us?" Jackson cooed mockingly. "Travis, come hold him here."

One of his friends, the one named Travis, took Jackson's place twisting Dan's arm behind his back, as Jackson approached the sketchpad with an evil sparkle in his eye.

Before he could get a chance to open the sketchbook, a teacher yelled at them from the other side of the hall.

"Hey! What the hell are you doing?" the teacher shouted, running towards them.

Jackson and his friends panicked and ran, dropping Dan and his stuff and dashing down the hall, the teacher running after them.

Dan picked up his stuff and slid down the wall, curling up on the floor, panting.

"Hey, you alright?"

Dan looked up and saw a pair of bright blue eyes staring down at him.

"I saw them messing with you and I ran to alert a teacher. I hope I wasn't too late..."

"No, no! You were actually right on time...thank you." Dan muttered, looking away from the boy's piercing blue eyes that seemed to be staring into his soul.

"My name's Phil. Phil Lester." Phil smiled, holding out a hand to help Dan to his feet.

"I'm Dan...Dan Howell..." Dan took his hand, getting up slowly and wincing upon putting pressure on his arm.

When Dan was fully on his feet, he took a moment to look at the boy who'd rescued him, Phil Lester. He had black hair styled in a mirror image of his own, a plaid shirt, black skinny jeans and pale skin. Dan couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from Phil's bright blue eyes.

"Dan, are you alright? They seemed to be twisting your arm pretty hard..." Phil said with a hint of concern in his voice, eyeing Dan's arm worriedly.

"I'm fine...it's not that bad." Dan said, offering a hesitant smile to Phil.

Phil didn't seem convinced, but decided not to press the issue too much.

"I'm new at this school, and I'm kind of lost...I hate to ask you this after what I just saw, but could you help me?" Phil asked sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Um, okay...can I see your schedule?" Phil handed over his schedule and Dan scanned it carefully.

"Well it seems we have the majority of our classes together, I can show you where they are." Dan offered.

Phil's eyes lit up hopefully. "If it's not too much trouble, I'd appreciate that." Phil said, smiling brightly.

Dan shyly smiled back, then cleared his throat. "Well, we have Maths first, so let's go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't know where to end the chapter so I cut it off there. Hope you enjoyed!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me a little while to get ideas for this chapter, but I finally got it out!

Dan arrived home from school emotionally exhausted. He'd spent most of his day helping the new boy, Phil, find his way around the school and get to his classes. He knew that he'd have to do it for a couple more days before Phil learned the layout of the school. But he didn't feel annoyed or upset about having to do it. He was actually glad that he got a chance to know this boy before he ended up getting a stable group of friends and forgetting he existed.

Dan sighed as he made his way up to his room, dropping his backpack on his desk and changing into sweatpants and a long-sleeved t-shirt. He eyed his arm wearily, noting that dark bruises were forming around his wrist. He pulled his sleeve down and sat down at his desk, pulling out his journal.

"I met someone interesting today. He stopped Jackson and his gang from seeing my sketchpad, so I'm extremely grateful to him. His name is Phil. Phil Lester. He has the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen..."

Dan's hand paused as he looked towards the ceiling and sighed. He was getting attached, he knew it. He also knew that it was dangerous to get attached to anyone. Phil would inevitably find friends, leaving Dan the way he originally was...

Alone.

Dan felt a physical pain in his chest as he thought that. He knew he had to do something about it to avoid getting hurt emotionally. He had to distance himself from Phil.

He turned back to his journal and picked up his pen.

"I can't let myself get attached to him. I'm going to distance myself from him as much as I can, he'll forget me and I won't get hurt."

~Timeskip to the next morning~

Dan walked into school cautiously, looking around for any sign of Jackson or Phil. As he made his way to his locker, he heard a voice calling his name.

He turned to find one of the two people he was avoiding that day, Phil Lester.

"Dan! Hi!" Phil greeted cheerfully.

"...h-hello" Dan replied quietly, looking anywhere but Phil.

"Shall we go to class?" Phil asked, unfazed by Dan's attitude.

"Yeah..." Dan agreed reluctantly, eyes fixed on the ground.

Dan and Phil made their way towards their classroom, Phil chatting animatedly while Dan walked alongside him, nodding listlessly. As they approached their classroom, Phil's concern finally became too much.

"Dan...are you okay?" Phil asked hesitantly, fearing crossing a line with the boy he'd met only yesterday.

"I'm fine, Phil." Dan replied monotonously, eyes never leaving the ground.

"I mean, a-are you sure? I know I only met you yesterday but something feels wrong and-" Phil rambled, being cut off abruptly by Dan.

"I said I'm fine. It's none of your concern, Phil." Dan said uncharacteristically forcefully, finally looking up at Phil.

Phil stared at Dan's eyes, shocked at what he saw. Dark circles shadowed his exhausted eyes, and his eyes were filled with anger, and something else Phil couldn't place. Hurt? Sadness?

Dan was exhausted. He had been unable to sleep the previous night, worried about how he'd react to Phil at school. He hadn't expected such concern from this boy he'd only just met, so he lashed out, trying to avoid getting any more attached that he'd already become.

He regretted it.

"I-I'm sorry..." Dan muttered, eyes filling with tears as he looked down.

Phil didn't know how to react to Dan's sudden mood swing, so he cautiously stepped closer to Dan and wrapped his arms around him, in the process discreetly slipping a piece of paper into Dan's pocket.

Dan's eyes widened at the physical contact, something he hadn't experienced in a long time. He wanted to push Phil away, to defend himself emotionally, but at the same time he wanted to cuddle closer to Phil's warmth.

Dan closed his eyes and leaned closer to Phil, deciding to enjoy it while it lasted.

They stood there for a minute, and Phil let go of Dan and smiled down at him.

"Are you feeling better?" Phil said, eyes sparkling.

Dan looked up at Phil and hesitantly met his eyes. As soon as he did that, he froze in fear. "You're letting yourself get attached to him!" His mind screamed at him, repeating it over and over as Dan stared blankly at Phil.

He was frozen there.

"Dan?" Phil lightly touched his shoulder.

He couldn't get attached.

"Dan, you alright?" Phil asked with growing concern in his voice.

Dan ran.

Away from school.

Away from Phil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, hope you enjoyed this chapter! Hopefully I won't take too long to upload the next chapter, since I have a pretty good idea of where this fanfic is going. Bye!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! I actually wrote this right after I added the last chapter but I only got a chance to add this one now.

Dan ran home, hoping that Phil hadn't thought of following him. He wished he hadn't run away, but he knew that it was only Phil's second day at his school, he could still get friends and completely forget about Dan.

Dan arrived home and, thankful that both his parents were at work, darted up towards his room and shut the door and the curtains. He sat down in front of his desk and heard a crinkle of paper coming from his pocket. He put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a small folded up note.

"Call me if you ever need me -Phil" and his number below that.

Dan stared at the paper for a minute before he realized he'd started crying. Why was Phil making this so difficult? Why did Phil seem to care so much about a boy he'd just met?

Dan grabbed his phone and programmed the number in before he could regret it. After all, it's not like he intended to use it. Right? Right.

Dan decided he needed some fresh air, so he put on his jacket and headed to the playground to think.

~at school, right after Dan ran away~

Phil stared after Dan, confused and worried. Did he do something wrong? Should he follow him? After about a minute of internal debate, Phil decided against going after Dan, since he didn't know where he lived and Dan might find it creepy since they'd only known each other for a day.

Phil reluctantly made his way to class and sat down in a corner seat next to the window. He had a feeling he wouldn't be paying much attention today.

~and back to Dan at the playground~

Dan sat on the swing, gently swaying back and forth as he let his thoughts consume him.

Phil was dominating his thoughts, making him wonder if he really cared or if he just wanted a temporary friend so he wouldn't be alone until he found people he liked better than Dan.

He was so immersed in his thoughts that he didn't notice the approaching footsteps.

"Look who decided to ditch, guys! Our good buddy Daniel..." A voice said loudly, followed by a chorus of laughs.

Dan's eyes widened as he looked up and saw Jackson towering over him, an evil grin distorting his features.

Dan didn't say anything and stayed quiet, looking back at the ground.

"Not talking are we? Well, we can fix that, can't we guys?" Jackson said viciously, pulling Dan off the swing by his collar and throwing him hard on the ground.

Dan cried out in pain as his thin frame made harsh contact with the hard concrete, curling up into a ball.

Jackson laughed cruelly as he swung his foot into Dan's back, inspiring the rest of his group to follow his example and beat Dan up.

Dan couldn't defend himself, so he curled into a ball and made an effort to protect his head and face, taking the harsh beating while making minimal noise in fear of making it worse.

Finally, after what seemed like forever to Dan, Jackson and his group got bored of tormenting Dan and wandered off, leaving Dan beaten, bruised and bloodied on the cold ground.

Dan was in so much agony he could barely move, so with great difficulty he eased his phone out of his pocket and called the first person that came to mind for help.

~back to Phil~

Class had just finished as Phil's cell phone started vibrating in his pocket. Phil pulled it out and saw it was an unknown number. Frowning in confusion, he answered.

"Hello, who's this?" Phil asked.

"Phil...help...please..." Dan's weak voice could barely be heard over the phone.

"Dan? Are you okay? Where are you?" Phil asked, voice laced with barely concealed panic.

"...playground...please help..." Dan uttered quietly.

"I'll be right there!" Phil almost-yelled, hanging up and rushing out of the building.

~at the playground~

Phil stood at the edge of the playground, scanning it for any sign of Dan before locating him laying near the swingset.

Phil rushed towards Dan, falling to his knees next to him.

"Oh no...Dan? Dan, can you hear me?" Phil asked, shaking him slightly.

"P-Phil...? You came..." Dan said, eyes fixated on Phil as if he were an angel.

"Yes, I came! We need to get you to a hospital, fast." Phil said, taking his phone out of his pocket and calling his brother, Martyn.

"Martyn? Can you come to the playground? There's an emergency."

In less than ten minutes, Martyn's car was parked near the playground and Martyn himself was power-walking towards Dan and Phil.

"Phil? What happened? Who's this?" Martyn asked, gesturing towards the barely-conscious Dan.

"This is Dan, the friend I was talking about yesterday. And I have no idea what happened, he called me asking for help and I think he needs to go to the hospital can you take us there please?" Phil said quickly, voice filled with panic.

"First, you need to calm down Phil. We'll get him to the hospital. Help me get him to the car." Martyn said calmly, trying to calm Phil down.

With a few whimpers from Dan, Martyn and Phil successfully loaded Dan into the backseat of the car and took off towards the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Let me know if I made a mistake or anything. Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a bit carried away writing this chapter, 1073 words, that's the longest chapter so far! Hope you guys enjoy!

The last thing Dan remembered was a pair of bright blue eyes staring down at him concernedly before passing out.

He heard beeping. What was that? Sounded like a heart monitor...

He slowly opened his eyes and winced at the bright whiteness of everything. He looked around confusedly before his eyes finally focused on the raven-haired boy at his bedside. Phil was staring intently at his phone, probably playing a game of some sort.

Dan coughed lightly, alerting Phil to his awakening.

"Oh my god, Dan! Are you okay?" Phil nearly shouted, causing Dan's head to throb painfully.

"Phil, please not so loud..." Dan said, wincing from the pain that emanated from most of his body.

"Oh, sorry..." Phil muttered. "But are you okay?"

"I'm not sure...everything hurts though." Dan said, grimacing as he tried to adjust his position.

"Let me call a nurse, I need to tell them that you woke up." Phil said, pressing the call nurse button on the side of Dan's bed.

A nurse arrived a few minutes later, a small woman with a kind face.

"I see you're awake, how are you feeling, dear?" The nurse asked kindly.

"My entire body hurts, but other than that, I think I'm okay." Dan said quietly, offering a shy smile to the nurse.

"You had a few broken ribs and quite a few bruises, so that's normal." The nurse informed, returning Dan's smile. She lowered her voice to a stage whisper. "This one was so worried while you were out." she said, gesturing to Phil, who turned a light pink color. "You're lucky to have a boyfriend like that." she giggled, smiling kindly at the two boys who had turned extreme shades of red.

"We're not dating!" Dan and Phil said in unison, before looking at each other shocked.

"That was weird, let's not do that again." Dan said, looking down.

"We're like the twins from The Shining." Phil commented.

"Overdone joke?" Dan asked sarcastically.

"Overdone..." Phil started.

"Yolk." they finished in unison.

The nurse cleared her throat, trying not to laugh. "I'm sorry for assuming then. You two would make a cute couple though." she smirked before leaving.

Dan hid his face with his hand, blushing vividly while Phil laughed, but blushed brighter than Dan.

After they both recovered from that, Phil stared with an intrigued expression at Dan for a minute before Dan noticed.

"Y-yeah?" Dan asked nervously, preparing for questions.

"What happened to you?" Phil asked.

"Jackson happened, you know, that guy you sent a teacher after that day." Dan said simply.

"That's not what I meant, although that is useful information. I meant why did you run off?" Phil questioned, studying Dan's face.

Dan looked down and felt tears building up behind his eyes as his nervousness grew. He didn't want to explain. He couldn't run this time, he was trapped in the hospital bed.

Dan didn't notice that a tear had escaped until Phil had made his way to Dan and touched his back lightly.

"Dan? You don't have to answer, I understand if you don't want to..." Phil said reassuringly.

That broke something inside Dan, for it had been so long since anyone had been this kind to him, and he was scared of accepting Phil's kindness because if Phil left, Dan would be left with painful memories.

Phil watched as Dan let the tears fall and wondered what had happened to Dan that made him this way. Phil hugged Dan and stroked his hair gently, muttering words of reassurance.

Dan's thin body shook with sobs, Phil's warmth surrounded him like a comforting blanket, but brought the weight of fear even harder down against his shoulders.

After a few minutes, Dan recollected himself but couldn't bring himself to push Phil away, who was still hugging Dan and stroking his hair. Phil noticed Dan's silence and released him, smiling awkwardly but cheerfully.

"Well, since I guess you're going to be in the hospital for a few days, and I don't intend to leave until absolutely necessary, we should get to know each other a bit, don't you agree?" Phil announced cheerfully, trying to lighten the mood.

"I guess...y-you first..." Dan said a little awkwardly, still trying to comprehend what had happened earlier.

"Well, I like Muse, Pokemon, Tumblr..." Phil began, before being interruped by Dan.

"You like Muse? I love Muse!" Dan blurted excitedly, before realizing that'd he'd interrupted Phil, and looked down, pink coloring his cheeks slightly. "...sorry..."

"It's ok, I also get excited when someone mentions Muse, they're a great band. What else do you like?" Phil asked, excited to learn more about Dan.

"Well...I spend a lot of time on Tumblr, and I like dogs..." Dan said quietly, still embarrassed about his little outburst.

"Dogs are adorable! I also love cats, but I'm allergic. Sad, really." Phil said, making and exaggerated sad face, making Dan smile a bit, so Phil counted that as a small victory.

Dan and Phil talked until Phil had to leave, since he still had to go to school the next day. Dan eventually opened up a bit and Phil learned little bits of trivia about him, including his love for memes (especially doge) and habit of referencing stuff he liked.

"Phil, before you go, can you do me a favor?" Dan asked shyly, eyes lowered.

"Sure, what is it?" Phil inquired curiously.

"Tomorrow, can you stop by my house and get my sketchbook and laptop, and hopefully clothes for when I leave? My parents are working, so they can't."

"Sure! What's your address?" Phil gave Dan his phone to type it in. Phil looked at it and commented "Hey! You don't live too far from me! About a couple of blocks away."

"My sketchbook and laptop are in my bag in my room, on my bed. I really appreciate this, thanks..." Dan said, smiling slightly.

"It's no problem, I promise. I really have to go now, I'll be back tomorrow, for sure!" Phil said, waving Dan goodbye and smiling before he left.

Dan felt a bit more comfortable around Phil after learning more about him, but his fear of being thrown aside and forgotten was still present, and somehow stronger. Learning little things about Phil made Dan grow more attached, and Dan just prayed this wouldn't end badly. He lay down and tried to fall asleep, his last thought before slipping into unconsciousness being how warm Phil was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I find myself physically incapable to not write a little fluff, so expect next chapter to be at least a tiny bit fluffy. See you next chapter!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't expect to update this soon, but hey, miracles happen. Enjoy the chapter! (also I ended up writing 1000+ words again, I think that might become a regular thing)

After school the next day, Phil made his way to Dan's house. He arrived at the front door and took the key from under a nearby plant on the porch that Dan had told him about. He unlocked the door and entered the house.

As Dan had said, there was no one in the house, and Phil was thankful for that. He didn't want to awkwardly try to introduce himself and explain why he was there at the same time.

He climbed the stairs and located Dan's room, pushing the door open and looking around.

The first thing he noticed was the art covering one wall. He approached the wall and studied the art for a while, shocked when he found Dan's signature. "He draws really well!" he thought, examining the carefully-drawn landscapes and abstract art.

He finally tore his eyes away from the art and decided to just get what he was told to get and go. He picked up Dan's bookbag that lay open on his desk and jumped when a small black book fell out of it.

The book had fallen open on the floor and Phil bent down to pick it up, and caught a glimpse of his name on the page. Despite his conscience telling him to leave it alone, he picked it up and began reading the page.

"I met someone interesting today. He stopped Jackson and his gang from seeing my sketchpad, so I'm extremely grateful to him. His name is Phil. Phil Lester. He has the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen...He'll find friends, though, so I can't get attached. I can't let myself get attached to him, I'm going to distance myself from him as much as I can, he'll forget me and I won't get hurt."

Phil's eyes widened in understanding as he finished reading what he now knew was Dan's journal. Dan was worried about Phil leaving him.

Phil thought back to today's classes. He'd tried to make friends, but everyone he spoke to brushed him off except a couple of boys called Chris and PJ. They were the least popular people in the school but they were nice, and they quickly became friends with Phil. Phil had intended to tell Dan but after reading the journal he knew he'd have to go about this carefully.

Phil closed the journal and replaced it in the bookbag, quickly located Dan's laptop, his chargers and sketchbook and placed them in the bookbag as well. He opened Dan's closet, pulling out some loose sweatpants and a large black pullover with a white Muse logo on the front. He folded them neatly and put them in the bookbag, zipping it up and putting it on his shoulder, leaving the room.

As he left the house, locked the door and replaced the key, he couldn't stop thinking about what he'd read. What had happened to Dan that made him so fearful of making friends? He was determined to figure it out. He tried to push the thought out of his mind for now, but it was the only thing he could think of as he walked to the hospital.

Dan was asleep when Phil arrived at his hospital room, and Phil tried to move quietly, but ended up tripping over his own feet and crashing to the floor loudly.

"Oww..." Phil groaned, wondering if Dan could've slept through that. Turns out he didn't, as he heard a gasp and a stifled giggle.

"A-are you alright?" Dan asked quietly, trying to hold back his laughter.

"I'm fine, I think." Phil said, smiling at Dan's pathetic attempts to not laugh. He pulled himself up, pulled a chair closer and sat down heavily. "I brought your stuff."

"T-thanks, Phil." Dan said, smiling as Phil handed over his bag.

"I saw your room, your art is beautiful..." Phil didn't miss the blush that covered Dan's face as Phil complimented his artwork.

Dan felt his face heating up fast, no one had seen his art before, much less appreciated it. He didn't know what to say so he just said "...i-it's not that good..."

"What do you mean? You could be a professional artist, it's amazing!" Phil exclaimed, sincerity dripping from every word.

Dan's blush darkened. "T-thank you, I guess..." he muttered quietly, almost inaudibly.

Phil smiled brightly, unable to think of anything to say.

Dan pulled out his laptop and turned it on, connecting to the hospital's wifi and opening Tumblr.

"What's your url?" Phil asked, the tumblr app open on his phone.

"Uh...it's danisnotonfire." Dan informed, watching as Phil searched the name and found and followed his blog.

Dan immediately saw the notification. "AmazingPhil has followed you!" Dan followed Phil back and made a mental note to stalk his blog after Phil left.

Phil carefully spoke up, trying not to sound too hesitant. "I met a couple of nice people at school today."

Dan felt the color drain from his face, it was happening. Phil found friends. He would be left alone. Again.

Phil noticed Dan's reaction and immediately regretted saying anything. He carefully leaned towards the pale boy and placed his hand over Dan's.

"Dan. I'm not going to leave you. I promise." Phil repeated this in a soothing voice until Dan's face started to regain some color.

Dan relaxed upon hearing those words, but stiffened again as he wondered how Phil knew what had made him panic. Dan turned to look at Phil with eyes filled with suspicion and unease.

"How did you know?" He asked quietly but accusingly.

Phil removed his hand from Dan's and looked down, guilty.

"How..." Dan's mind searched for a logical answer. "Did you find my journal?" Dan asked, panicking again, but for an entirely different reason.

Dan took Phil's lack of response as an affirmative answer.

"Phil...how could you?" Dan asked quietly, voice filled with betrayal.

"It was an accident! I swear! I picked up your bag and it fell out open on the floor. I went to pick it up but I saw my name and my curiousity got the better of me. I'm sorry, Dan. I really am." Phil explained, voice getting quieter and more broken-sounding with every word. He couldn't Dan's expression that screamed betrayal.

Dan looked away from Phil, not being able to look directly at Phil's sad face, like a kicked puppy. "I...I think you should g-go..." Dan said, voice breaking as he got closer and closer to tears.

Phil got up and made his way to the door, looking back. "I really am sorry, Dan."

Dan's vision got blurrier as he watched Phil leave. He wanted to scream for Phil to come back, but he couldn't look him in the eye knowing that he had seen his journal. The moment he heard the door click, he broke down crying. It had happened. He was alone again. But it was his fault. He'd pushed Phil away too hard.

Unbeknownst to Dan, Phil had tears streaming slowly down his face. He'd tried to help, but only messed everything up. Phil started walking home, snow falling around him. He hadn't given up, though. He'd fix this, no matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY I KNOW I SAID THERE WOULD BE A LITTLE FLUFF BUT I WAS LISTENING TO TROYE SIVAN AND THAT INSPIRED SOME ANGSTY WRITING, SORRY. Either way, hope you guys liked the chapter!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter, yay! Enjoy!

Phil lay in his room, collapsed on his bed, wanting nothing more than to be with Dan. He knew he'd betrayed what little trust Dan had in him, and he felt sick about it. He wished he could text him and try to explain...

Phil sat bolt upright in his bed and quickly grabbed his phone. Dan had called him, so he had Dan's number! Phil quickly programmed Dan's number into his contacts and opened the text messaging app.

"Dan, I know you probably don't want to talk to me, but I need to talk about this. I wasn't lying before, your journal fell out of your bag and opened on the floor. I saw my name and my curiousity got the better of me. I truly regret causing you all this distress. I only read that page that had my name, I promise. I hope you can forgive me for this, I had no malicious intent and I feel horrible about what happened. I only met you the other day, but I already consider you my best friend. I'm so sorry, Dan."

Phil's hands shook as he pressed send. He'd poured his heart into the message, and he wondered if Dan would even reply. His question was quickly answered as his phone vibrated.

"You really consider me your best friend? -Dan"

Phil quickly typed out an answer.

"Of course, I wouldn't lie about that -Phil"

"Can you come by my house? They discharged me a little after you left...-Dan"

"I'll be there in five -Phil"

Phil quickly changed into more decent clothes and darted out of the house, running to Dan's house.

~Dan's side of the story~

He had just finished putting on clothes after a shower when his phone vibrated. He picked it up and saw a message from Phil. He almost ignored it but couldn't bring himself to. He read the message carefully and what really stood out to Dan was the part where Phil said he considered Dan his best friend. His thumbs danced over the phone's touchscreen keyboard before finally sending a message. After Phil replied, Dan asked him to come to his house.

His hands shook as he waited for the doorbell to ring. He nearly jumped out of his skin when the doorbell actually rang. He wanted to run downstairs but he couldn't due to his injuries so he settled for a fast walk down the stairs and towards the door.

He opened the door and was confronted by a vision of intense blue eyes shining with hope and sadness. He was surprised by arms wrapping around him gently and a voice whispering in his ear "I'm so sorry..."

Dan, for the first time, hugged Phil back and muttered "I forgive you..."

They both pulled away and stared at each other's faces. Phil had relief and happiness written across his face, while Dan had a slight tinge of pink coloring his cheeks and eyes bright with happiness.

Dan looked away, a slight smile visible on his face. "Do you want to play video games or something? I have Mario Kart..." Dan offered tentatively.

Phil's face broke into a smile. "I love Mario Kart! I'll totally beat you!" Phil exclaimed, making Dan scoff playfully.

"As if, I'm the Mario Kart master!" Dan proclaimed proudly, leading Phil to his bedroom where his games were and quickly setting it up.

They played for hours, laughing, shouting and cheering. Dan ended up winning the majority of the races, making Phil pout.

"Ha! I told you I was the Mario Kart master!" Dan cheered loudly.

Phil looked out the window and saw it was already dark out and snowing heavily.

"Oh dear..." Phil muttered, staring out the window.

"What's wrong?" Dan asked, concerned.

"It's snowing a lot outside, I don't think I can walk back home in this weather..." Phil said, worried.

Dan hesitantly spoke up. "You could spend the night here, my parents wouldn't mind."

"But I don't have anything to wear and I-" Phil was cut off by Dan.

"My clothes will probably fit, we're about the same size and most of my clothes are bigger than me. And you won't be intruding, I promise." Dan said quietly, smiling shyly.

Phil looked out the window, observing the snowstorm for a while, before he gave in.

"Alright, if you're sure I won't be intruding." Phil said, smiling brightly.

Dan returned Phil's smile and dug through his closet looking for clothes that might fit Phil. He eventually surfaced with a pair of sweatpants that were extremely loose on him and a Sonic t-shirt he never wore but knew was too big, tossing the clothes to Phil.

Phil coughed awkwardly. "U-um...turn around?" He muttered quietly, face turning red.

Dan felt his face on fire as he turned and heard the rustling sounds of Phil changing.

Phil finished changing and decided to try to scare Dan. He quietly snuck up behind Dan, leaned as close as he could to Dan's ear and whisper-screamed "BOO!"

Dan didn't even flinch and turned around laughing. "Phil you really need to work on your stealth, I heard you coming up behind me." Dan said, laughing harder at Phil's pout.

Phil could help smiling at Dan's laugh. It was uncharacteristically high-pitched and contagious.

Dan and Phil heard a car pulling up in the driveway and froze for a second before relaxing.

"It's my parents. You still need to introduce yourself to them. Come on." Dan said, taking Phil's hand gently and pulling him downstairs.

Dan's parents entered the house as Dan and Phil arrived downstairs.

"Dan, who's this?" Dan's mother asked, observing the slightly taller boy with slight suspicion.

"Mom, Dad, this is Phil, he's a friend from school. He can't walk home in the snowstorm, so is it ok for him to spend the night?" Dan asked quietly, looking down.

Dan's mother brightened at the word "friend". "Of course! It's been so long since you had a friend over, it's wonderful to meet you Phil!" Dan's mom said, a bright smile on her face.

"It's nice to meet both of you, Mr and Mrs Howell." Phil said politely, smiling.

"Mom, me and Phil are going to go upstairs, okay?" Dan informed, glancing back at Phil.

"Of course, do you want me to bring anything up?" Dan's mom offered kindly.

"No, no, that's not nece-" Phil began.

"Yes, please, Mom, that would be wonderful." Dan said, cutting Phil off and smiling before pulling him back upstairs.

"My mom makes amazing snacks." Dan explained when Phil looked at him oddly. "Another round of Mario Kart?" Dan suggested.

"This time I'll win!" Phil proclaimed playfully.

"Nope. Just...nope." Dan tried to say seriously, but started laughing halfway through.

They played Mario Kart until midnight, taking a short break when Dan's mother brought up cookies and popcorn.

Dan, at one point, yawned and collapsed backward on his bed.

"We should get to sleep, you look tired." Phil suggested, smiling at Dan.

Dan nodded and patted the bed next to him. "Turn off the light and come, you're sleeping here."

Phil looked hesitant. "Are you sure about this?"

"Why wouldn't I be? Come on." Dan smiled reassuringly, watching as Phil got up and crossed the room to the light switch.

Phil carefully crawled into bed with Dan and tried to resist the urge to hold Dan. His efforts proved futile as Dan scooted closer to him.

"...cold" Dan muttered, already half asleep.

Phil decided to go with it and wrapped his arm around Dan gently.

The two boys fell asleep with smiles on their faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this time I ended up writing fluffy fluff, and I love how it turned out. Also I want to thank everyone who commented on this fic so far, your nice comments really make my day :) Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important note at the end! Hope you guys like the chapter!

Phil woke up to warmth and soft mumbling coming from Dan. Phil smiled softly as he observed Dan's features, smoothed out in the blissful peace of sleep. He noticed that he was holding Dan like a teddy bear, and Dan was curled against his chest.

That inspired Phil to create a nickname for Dan. The way he was holding Dan, like a teddy bear. Bear, Phil smiled to himself, it was perfect.

Dan stirred and opened his eyes, looking up at Phil and blushing slightly.

"We fell asleep like this, didn't we?" Dan asked, voice heavy and deep with sleep.

"I think we did, Bear." Phil answered, smiling at the usage of the new nickname.

Dan looked up at him confused. "Bear?" He asked, lips twitching upwards into a shy smile.

"The way I was holding you when I woke up, like a teddy bear. It suits you." Phil explained, smiling brightly, making Dan playfully shield his eyes.

"It's like staring into the suuuuuun..." Dan whined, giggling.

Phil laughed with Dan and subconsciously pulled him closer, cuddling him.

Dan found himself pressed against Phil's chest, eyes wide and a bright red blush coloring his cheeks. As he looked up at Phil, he stared at his lips, fighting the urge to pull Phil down and kiss him...he froze as he finally caught up with his thoughts. Kiss Phil? Did he even like Phil that way? Was he gay?

A flurry of questions manifested itself in Dan's mind. He hadn't even known Phil for long, how could he like him? Was Phil even gay?

Phil noticed Dan had frozen in place, eyes wide. Phil pulled his arm back to put his hand on Dan's shoulder.

"Dan? Are you okay?" Phil asked, concerned.

Dan decided to just let things play out, see how it would turn out. He forced a smile to Phil. "I'm fine, just thought I'd forgotten to do something yesterday."

Phil saw right through Dan's forced smile but didn't push the issue, not wanting to disturb the fragile peace.

Phil sat up and stretched, not missing the small sound Dan made as Phil's warmth left him.

"I really should be heading home, I never told my mother where I was and she's probably worried." Phil said, noting how Dan's face fell.

Dan wanted to protest, but decided against it. His next words flew out of his mouth before he could even process them. "We should do this again." Dan blushed after processing what he said, looking at his monochromatic bedspread.

"We could make this a weekly thing! Every Friday and Saturday we spend the night at each other's houses. What do you think?" Phil suggested excitedly, bouncing on the bed slightly.

Dan's face broke out into a smile. "I'd like that." A lot, he added mentally.

"Today's Saturday, want to start it today and come to my house?" Phil asked, ecstatic.

Dan felt himself smile so big he felt his face was going to split. "That would be awesome!" Dan said with barely contained excitement.

"Then we might as well get ready here and go to my house." Phil said hopefully.

"Okay, you shower first." Dan said.

They showered and got ready, Phil putting on his clothes from the day before and Dan putting on skinny jeans and a sweatshirt, grabbing his bag with his laptop, pajamas and chargers and slinging it over his shoulder.

Dan's parents had already left, so they left the house and locked the door, walking to Phil's house, talking quietly but nonstop.

As they were arriving at Phil's house, Phil stopped Dan.

"I should warn you about my mother, she might be a bit...too much to handle." Phil said awkwardly.

"What do you mean?" Dan asked, getting nervous.

"Nothing bad, she'll probably overload you with food and stories of me as a kid." Phil explained, rubbing the back of his neck and looking down.

"I wouldn't mind hearing some of your baby stories." Dan said, half jokingly, laughing when Phil started blushing.

"Either way, let's go. My mom is probably worried sick." Phil said, taking Dan's hand and gently tugging him along.

"Mom? I'm home!" Phil called into the house.

Almost in the same second, a small woman appeared at the end of the corridor.

"Phil! There you are, I was worried!" Phil's mother said, approaching Phil and hugging him.

"Mom, this is Dan, I spent the night at his last night, is it okay if he spends the night here tonight?" Phil asked hopefully, making puppy dog eyes.

"Well...okay. I'm always happy to meet your friends, Phil." Phil's mother said, smiling at Dan, who smiled back awkwardly before looking back at the ground.

Phil was still holding Dan's hand, so he pulled him towards the stairs. "Mom, we're going upstairs!" Phil called out as they were halfway up the stairs.

They arrived at Phil's room, which wasn't much different from Dan's, except for the lack of art and abundance of posters, mainly of Buffy.

Dan sat down on the bed while Phil retrieved his laptop from his desk.

"Want to watch something on netflix?" Phil suggested. Dan nodded and they began browsing netflix, finally settling on Attack on Titan.

By the time they were halfway through the anime, Dan was curled up against Phil, who's arm was wrapped around Dan.

Dan found his mind wandering as he watched the anime. Phil's warmth proving to be too much of a distraction as he continued pondering the questions from earlier.

Was he gay? He'd always found boys equally as attractive as girls, so he was most likely bisexual. Did he like Phil? He'd just met him, but in the few days he'd known Phil, he felt like he'd known him for years.

Phil looked down at the boy curled up into his side, and noticed his eyes unfocused, staring into the distance instead of at the screen. As Phil wondered what Dan could be thinking of, he found his eyes roaming Dan's face, focusing on his slightly parted lips and chocolate brown eyes. He'd known he was gay for a while now, but was he attracted to Dan?

Phil found himself staring at Dan as he pondered the question, finally coming up with an answer. Yes. He liked Dan. Phil was known to take risks, and despite what Dan thought, Phil had noticed Dan staring at his lips that morning.

Phil paused the episode and positioned himself to face Dan. Dan snapped out of his daze and blushed deeply as he noticed Phil was staring at him intently.

Dan sat up, staring at Phil and his eyes flickered to his lips for the second time that day. There was no doubt now. He liked Phil.

Phil gently pulled Dan closer, smiling at the blush that dominated the younger boy's face. Phil leaned down, closing his eyes.

Dan's eyes widened as he felt Phil's lips brush against his, soon closing his eyes as Phil's hand made its way into Dan's hair.

Phil pulled away and looked at Dan for any signs of rejection. He studied Dan's flushed face and erratic breathing as Dan stared at Phil, wondering why but wanting more of Phil's lips.

"Dan, I...really like you...I know we only met the other day and-"

"Phil. I really like you too." Dan said, cutting Phil off and blushing hard.

Phil's eyes brightened with undeniable happiness as he gently pulled Dan back for another kiss. Dan felt nothing but happiness at that moment.

Everything was perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important note: I won't be able to update as frequently as I have been, since my classes are going to start on Monday. I will write every chance I get, this fic is basically the only thing I do online, goes to show how passionate I am about it haha. But, either way, I hope you guys liked the chapter, see you next chapter!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. It's been a while. I hope you guys like the chapter.

Dan couldn't comprehend what had happened. Phil liked him back? Phil kissed him? Things that had seemed so impossible for him had somehow magically happened, and he couldn't be happier.

He was also terrified. No one knew he was gay, not even himself until a few hours prior. How would his parents react, especially his father?

As Dan lay curled into Phil's chest, listening to the steady sound of Phil's breathing, he wondered how many things would change. Would Dan come out anytime soon? Would they hide it until they turned 18? Dan was terrified. He also knew that he couldn't do anything about it at the moment, so he cuddled closer to Phil and sighed deeply, closing his eyes.

*Monday*

Pj strolled through the school halls, finally catching sight of Phil near his locker. As he made his way over to say hi, he saw that Phil was slightly hunched over, muttering something to Dan. Pj couldn't help but feel something akin to jealousy. He wanted to be in Dan's place. He wanted to be with Phil.

When Pj met Phil the other day, he was immediately attracted to him. Phil's pale complexion, bright eyes and dark hair were so alluring, and Pj wanted him, plain and simple. When Pj saw Phil and Dan talking, he had a feeling that Dan would be an inconvenience to his plans to get Phil for himself.

After first period, before Phil had a chance to find Dan, Pj found him and greeted him.

"Hey Phil!"

"Oh, hi Pj!" Phil greeted back, eyes wandering around searching for any sign of Dan.

"Do you have any plans for after school?" Pj asked hopefully.

"Uh, sorry Pj, but I do. I'm going to study with Dan." Phil told him absentmindedly, eyes darting around quickly.

"Oh, I see...maybe we could hang out someday, we barely know each other and you seem like a nice person." Pj offered, cheeks turning an almost imperceptible shade of pink.

"Maybe some other time, got to go!" Phil said, rushing off because he'd finally found Dan in the crowd.

Pj's expression soured as he saw Phil rush to talk to Dan. He needed to do something to get Dan out of the picture. But what could he do?

A grin spread across Pj's features as a plan formed in his mind. It might not be the most original plan, but it might work.

*a few days later*

Pj had thought up the perfect plan. He had classes with both Dan and Phil seperately, so Pj left them both notes telling them to meet at the back of the school at slightly different times, Phil's time being five minutes earlier.

After classes, Pj went to the back of the school and waited. Not long after, Phil appeared, looking around before noticing Pj and walking towards him.

"Hey, what did you want to talk to me about?" Phil asked curiously, tilting his head cutely like a confused puppy.

"Well...um, Phil, there's something I need to tell you..." Pj muttered, buying himself time before Dan showed up.

"Yeah?" Phil prompted.

"I, uh, think I might be gay..." Pj said, blushing and looking down, discreetly looking at his watch and confirming that Dan should be walking around the corner any second.

"And why did you decide to come out to me, of all people?" Phil asked, curious.

"Because...it's easier if I show you." Pj said before launching himmself gracefully at Phil, capturing his lips in a hesitant but passionate kiss.

It was at that moment that Dan turned the corner and saw Phil and Pj kissing. Dan made an audible squeak of shock and anguish, loud enough to draw the attention of both boys.

"D-Dan! This isn't what it looks like, I promise!" Phil yelled frantically, but it was too late.

Dan shook his head, the first tear making its way down his cheek. "I trusted you..." he whispered quietly, before turning and running as fast as he could.

"Dan!" Phil tried to run past Pj, but Pj stepped in his way.

"Phil, wait!" Pj said, desperately trying to keep him there.

"No! I'm dating Dan, I can't begin to imagine how that looked for him, now let me pass!" Phil screamed, angrier and more worried than he had ever been.

Pj admitted defeat and stepped aside, watching Phil dart after Dan. A small smile appeared on his lips. He had set his plan into motion, and he was not going to let it fail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So school + disease + writers block doesn't really help getting chapters out. I'm sorry if it's horrible, it's five AM and I'm exhausted cause this is the only peaceful time I actually have to write. Sorry it's been so long, let me know what you guys thought, bye!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's kind of short, but enjoy!

Dan rushed home and locked himself in his room, tears running hot and fast down his face. He couldn't comprehend what had just happened no matter how hard he tried. As he curled up on his bed, he could only focus on the pain emanating from his chest, the crying that wouldn't cease, and the pure feeling of betrayal. He eventually cried himself to sleep.

When he woke up later that day, he wished he hadn't. He heard his phone buzzing and glanced at the screen, only to deny the call and block the caller. The last thing he wanted to do was talk to Phil. He forced himself out of bed and went to shower and put on pajamas.

Phil was desperate. Dan was denying his calls and blocked his texts. Phil knew there was nothing he could do at the moment, but he couldn't stay still, pacing around his room and trying to hold back tears and anger. He finally decided to take a walk, maybe fresh air would calm him down.

Phil put on his shoes and went outside, breathing deeply. He exhaled heavily and began strolling down the sidewalk. As Phil passed Dan's house, he resisted the urge to cry out for Dan, knowing he wouldn't be acknowledged. Phil saw his vision get blurry as tears filled his eyes. He finally understood why Dan didn't want to get attached.

Because it would hurt too much when it was over.

But it wasn't over, Phil thought. He still hadn't given up on Dan, and he wouldn't anytime soon. He was filled with determination at the thought, and considered knocking on Dan's door, but decided to give Dan a little more time to calm down.

Unbeknownst to Phil, Dan was calm, but not in the way he would expect. Dan was collapsed on his bed unable to move, limbs weighed down by lethargy. Part of him wanted Phil's presence, but another part screamed at him for being so needy and weak. He couldn't even stay angry at his boyfriend (Is he still my boyfriend? Dan wondered) without wanting him back a few hours later.

Dan's mind screamed at him, telling him that he was pathetic, useless, weak. Dan curled up on his side and hid his face in a pillow, not even being able to cry anymore. Maybe the voices in his head were right, Dan thought.

Dan couldn't even fall asleep again, now that he wanted to. A numb feeling had replaced the throbbing pain in his chest, and that scared him even more than the pain did. He had been so used to that numbness before Phil, but after feeling all the joy that Phil brought him, even for the brief time they'd known each other, Dan was terrified of the feeling, or lack thereof, coming back.

That's what he tried so hard to avoid.

The inevitable end of the happiness.

Dan had no doubt it was over, Phil was probably happier with Pj anyways, he was more attractive and funnier than Dan. Dan clutched a pillow tightly to his chest, lost in his own thoughts.

He had been so used to the darkness and the cold. He had welcomed them. But now, he missed the light and warmth. He missed Phil.

The way his tongue poked out when he laughed. The way his eyes always had such a happy sparkle. The infectiousness of his joy.

Dan needed Phil, more than he'd like to admit.

And Dan had lost him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, that was angsty af. I'll be uploading again soon, if writers block doesn't attack again. Hope you guys enjoyed!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back! This fic has not been abandoned, I just got way too busy with life to upload. BUT HERE IT IS! Hope you enjoy!

Phil had every intention of going to Dan's house the next morning, but his mother reminded him that he had class and forced him to go. Phil didn't see Dan at school, and became worried. He couldn't force himself to sit still and focus in class, getting various complaints from his teachers.

The second the final bell rang Phil made his way out of the school, walking as quickly as he could to Dan's house. When he was a block away, he slowed, nervous. Would Dan even listen to him? Phil felt his determination faltering. Maybe he should give Dan more time...

As he reached Dan's door, his determination had completely left him. He turned away, telling himself that he'd go talk to Dan the next day, for sure.

The next day came and went, as did the day after that, and the day after that... Soon a week had passed and Phil kept losing his nerve everytime he reached Dan's front door. He knew he had to talk to Dan eventually, and hated himself for ever trusting Pj in the first place. He wanted to make things right, but...how?

Dan hadn't gone to school for about a week. It felt like a lifetime to him. Dan had locked himself in his room, barely answering when his family knocked, which wasn't very often. He left his room only when he was sure his whole family was out, and only to get food and water. He spent entire nights on the internet, scrolling through tumblr with earbuds plugged in, trying to avoid letting his mind wander.

However, his thoughts escaped his control, and always went back to the same moment. The feeling of pure sadness when he saw Pj kissing Phil. The raw, utter betrayal. And the inevitable numbness that had come to dominate all of his waking hours.

When Dan looked at the date, he felt a tinge of sadness. It was Thursday, and tomorrow Phil would've come for their weekly sleepover. That's not going to happen ever again, is it? Dan thought, the sadness expanding. He felt incomplete, like a galaxy without its stars. And he was falling apart, as much as he'd deny it to himself, attempting to convince his own mind that everything was fine.

*the next day*

Phil heard his alarm go off, and almost ignored it completely. Through the haze of sleep, he vaguely registered that it was Friday, the day his and Dan's sleepovers would start.

As his mind cleared, he decided that he would finally go talk to Dan. He couldn't let this go on for much longer. He might've convinced the people around him that he was okay, but he was the exact opposite. He missed his Bear, more than anything.

He rushed to get ready, hoping that Dan would be awake, since the younger boy hadn't shown up for school in a while. After brushing the last strand of hair into its rightful place, Phil made his way to Dan's house, mentally rehearsing what he would say.

Dan had spent the night roaming the internet, so the moment a knock echoed through the house, he sluggishly got up and slowly made his way downstairs. When he reached the door and looked through the peephole, he immediately became more alert. He cautiously unlocked the door and opened it, avoiding looking at Phil.

"What do you want?" Dan said softly, and somewhat sadly.

Phil was shocked at Dan's state. It was apparent that he'd neglected to brush his hair for a few days, and the bags under his eyes were deep and dark, almost appearing fake. It took him a minute to recover before he started speaking.

"I just wanted to tell you something...about what happened. I don't know how it looked to you, but Pj forced himself onto me. I never wanted that to happen. I'm really sorry, Dan..." Phil trailed off, tears filling his eyes and rolling down his face.

Dan finally gathered the courage to look up. His heart almost stopped when he saw the tears. Any anger that remained vanished, replaced by an intense desire to comfort Phil. He couldn't contain himself anymore and gently wrapped his arms around Phil.

"I believe you..." Dan whispered into Phil's ear, crying as well. Phil responded by holding Dan tightly against him, and endless stream of whispered "I'm sorry" falling from his lips.

After about a minute, Dan pulled away and led Phil inside, sitting him down on the couch since no one was home besides him. Dan knelt in front of him, wiping away the tears that still remained on Phil's face.

"Dan...I'm really....really sorry..." Phil sobbed quietly, hiding his face in his hands.

Dan shushed him softly and he positioned himself on the sofa next to Phil, hugging him gently.

"I forgive you. It wasn't your fault, you don't have to keep blaming yourself...And I guess I should apologize too, for running off and ignoring you..." Dan said, voice filled with guilt.

"No, you don't have to apologize at all..." Phil said, voice still shaking a little.

"Are you sure? I mean if I had just stopped to listen to you this whole thing would've been resolved much faster and..." Dan started, voice fading away as he released Phil and looked down at his hands, sighing. "It was my fault we kept this up for so long..." he muttered, eyes sparkling with tears despite his best attempts to stop them.

Phil looked up as a drop fell from Dan's eyes onto his clenched fists. He immediately uncurled one of Dan's fists and linked their fingers together, squeezing his hand comfortingly.

"Dan, it wasn't your fault. Your reaction was normal, considering the situation. You were feeling betrayed, sad, and I think we would've just fought more if we tried to resolve it immediately. Let's just say the past is in the past, okay? We'd be here all day if we tried to decide who's fault it was." Phil said, leaning Dan on his shoulder.

Dan made a noise of agreement, curling up against Phil, desperate for the warmth he'd spent a week without. He didn't realize how much he truly needed Phil until he was away from him for a long time. Phil wrapped his arm around Dan, bringing his Bear closer. He pressed his lips against the top of Dan's head, making Dan smile and turn a light shade of pink.

They stayed cuddling on the couch for hours, until Dan finally decided to move since his mother would be arriving home soon. Phil smiled at Dan's happy expression, and pulled Dan close for a quick and gentle kiss. When they separated they wore matching smiles and pink cheeks, thrilled to be together again.


	11. Not A Chapter

I know I've been gone for a while, and I apologize. I haven't been able to think of any ways to continue this fanfic, and I'm considering ending it completely. However, I want to know what you guys think. If you think I should end it here, comment and tell me. If you want this fic to go on, and want to suggest stuff, by all means, comment and tell me. Your feedback really means a lot to me, and I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Thanks for sticking with this fic for so long.

Bye for now! ^_^


	12. EPILOGUE/FINALE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took me months to update this! i couldn't think of any way to finish this off that wouldn't be disappointing, and it took me a long time to get past writers block to actually get this out. Also, thank you for all the positive comments! I dont think i would've had motivation to finish without your comments. I hope you enjoy!

Dan and Phil lay cuddled together in Dan's bed, extra mattress set up by Dan's parents forgotten. Phil was drifting off to sleep, holding Dan tightly against his chest, when Dan suddenly spoke up.

"Phil...what do you think about...telling our parents about us?" He asked quietly.

Phil opened his eyes and looked down at Dan, who was looking at Phil, waiting for a response.

"Are you ready to do that, Bear? If you're ready, I'm ready." Phil said, hand reaching up to run his fingers through Dan's hair.

Dan thought for a moment. It had been a few months since he and Phil started dating, and he was tired of sneaking around and making up excuses. Would the reactions of his family be worth it? Yes, Dan decided, if he had Phil with him, nothing could get to him.

"I'm ready."

~a few days later~

Dan and Phil sat in Dan's living room with their parents. They had told all of them that they had serious news, and so the parents were anxiously watching the two boys.

Dan kept his eyes low and hands in his lap as Phil started talking, with more confidence than he actually had.

"Mom, Dad...Mr and Mrs Howell...me and Dan are going to tell you something, and we hope that you can accept it..." Phil started, trailing off and looking at Dan.

Dan took a deep breath and turned to his parents, who were looking at him worriedly.

"Did something happen, Daniel?" his mother asked.

"Um...mom...dad...I'm gay." Dan said quietly.

"I'm gay too." Phil jumped in.

"And...me and Phil have been dating for the past few months." Dan finished.

The two boys kept their heads down, scared to look at their parents. Dan's hand carefully found Phil's and squeezed. Phil squeezed back, and together they lifted their eyes to meet their parents' gaze.

They were surprised to find their mothers looking at them with soft eyes and smiles. Their fathers looked shocked, as expected, but the boys hoped the shock wouldn't morph into something negative.

"I knew there was something special between you boys, ever since Dan spent the night for the first time." Phil's mother said, eyes sparkling knowingly.

"Something about the way you two looked at each other when you thought we weren't looking...it wasn't hard to notice." Dan's mother added, getting up to hug both boys.

Dan's father was the first to snap out of the shock.

"W-well...son, I just want you to be happy. Does Phillip make you happy?" Dan's father asked.

"He makes me very happy, dad..." Dan said, smiling slightly

"Then, me and your mother accept you." Dan's father said, smiling.

Everyone looked at Phil's father, who was observing the entire exchange.

"Honey...do you have anything to say?" Phil's mother asked her husband, making firm eye contact with him.

"I...accept your choices. If you're happy with a man, I won't judge you." Phil's father said, finally breaking his silence.

Dan and Phil smiled brightly and thanked their parents.

"See, Dan! I told you it would go well!" Phil said, hugging the smaller boy enthusiastically.

Dan didn't answer, just hugged Phil back just as tightly and trying not to cry from relief and happiness.

~later that night~

Dan was curled up in his bed waiting for Phil to come out of the shower. As he waited, he remembered the relief that he didn't have to hide anymore. He couldn't hold it anymore and started crying, because he felt so lucky to have a family that accepted him.

Phil came out of the bathroom, fully dressed and found Dan quietly crying in the corner of the bed. He ran over to him and gently touched his shoulder.

"Dan? Are you okay?" Phil asked, voice gentle.

"I'm fine...I'm just...so relieved...our parents accepted us." Dan said between sobs.

"I'm relieved too, Bear." Phil said, smiling as he pulled Dan onto his lap, and the younger curled around Phil like a koala.

As they lay down in Dan's bed together, they both smiled.

It was the end of their beginning.

And the start of their forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, that's it. the end. It took me a year to finish this, but i did it! sorry if this was a disappointing ending lol  
> I hope you enjoyed this fanfiction.  
> I love you all  
> if anyone wants to suggest fanfiction ideas to me, my tumblr is killjoyforkirito  
> bye!


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